Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
