"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
