Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
