mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
