i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
