well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
