Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
