found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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