It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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