I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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