he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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