the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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