I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
