How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
