The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
