its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
