hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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