True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I need to calm my uterus...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize