You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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