Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
