you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize