Soap is not a condiment
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
