the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
