She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
zippers are such a cool invention
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
