we're chasing vodka with high fives
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
