omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
