I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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