OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
