We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
