I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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