I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize