Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
