I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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