There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
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Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
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After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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