He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
