So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
