do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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