Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
