dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize