I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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