Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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