5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
