yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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