jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
