Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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