I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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