We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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