your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
