The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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