K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
