I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
