This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
