I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I AM VODKA MAN
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
