He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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