Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
