can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
