SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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