she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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