I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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