I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
