You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
