What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize