batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
