I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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