There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
