My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize