she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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