I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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